Cancelled the date

So I get up prepared to meet "the" lunch date...the one I've been talking to who I scared off three years ago by telling him I fell head over heels in love with him on our first date (recall him from the Reality of Online Dating post). Anyway, I check into my online school program and find that I have COMPLETELY missed an exam due date totally. It was due yesterday and I haven't even started it. Luckily, there was a computer glitch yesterday which caused the instructor to send out an announcement saying we had ONE more day to complete the exam. TODAY. So I called the date up and cancelled.
Guess one more week won't matter before seeing if I remain in "love at first sight" with the date. Will update on that later.

Oh and to tonight's date...sorry I missed your call at 5 freakin 30 this morning. I had the cell phone off.

Published Article in "A New Heart"

I received the Spring edition today of A New Heart, the official publication of the USA Hospital Christian Fellowship. My article "There's Always Enough" is on page 9. Nice to have a published credit other than Associated Content.

Anyway, it inspired me to send out some more queries and I'm determined to start working on some new stuff next week (if I can get my head out of these guys butts long enough!). Why is it I go from one extreme to the other...I'm either passionate about writing or passionate about dating! I need to learn to balance.

Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Why My Mother Hates Me...

That Dang Back Flab

Me and the girls are going to the OMNI and the Breakfast Club again in April so I went shopping today to get a new shirt. I tried on about 20 different ones and every dang one clung to my back fat. How the heck are you supposed to hide that crap? From the front the shirts looked okay, then I look over my shoulder in the mirror and see the freaking flab. I hate back flab...it is the bane on my existence...it sucks!

I could exercise to get rid of this back flab using something called the pulley row. But if I liked to freakin' exercise I wouldn't have the stuff to start with. For 60-70 bucks I could try a SassyBax Bra which is supposed to hide the flab but according to the pictures they don't look like they would support a D cup too well. They don't even come in cup sizes but are sized as S, M, L, XL--so that ain't gonna work.

I finally decided on a print shirt that kind of camoflages the back flab. Now what am I gonna do for the belly dance recital?

The Reality of Online Dating

As many of you know, I am an online dater. At times I don't date at all and at other times I date quite a bit. One guy I have been talking to for four years. On our first (and only) date, upon first sight my heart fell to my feet and I fell head over heels in love. Unfortunately, I shared the information with the date…big mistake. He was so scared it took him 22 months to ask me out again. We now talk by phone every few weeks or so and have a tentative second date scheduled. I'm curious as to how I will feel when I see him now.

I am talking to another guy by instant messenger who at first sounded promising, but today he said he wanted to see me on my webcam and talk to me on the microphone. I hate those things and told him so. He said, it's only fair since I got to see him on his webcam (a request I did not make). I'm an old fashioned gal and told him that if he wants to see me and talk to me then he can ask me out for a date. He replied that he has lost his spine. I will no longer talk with him online as a spine is a requirement in the men I date.

Another guy I met a few months back I have dated five times. At first, it seemed very promising. We talked for hours by telephone and there was some chemistry between us. Our fourth date was the best and I could see us possibly becoming a couple. Unfortunately, he let quite a bit of time lapse after that before the fifth date and my interest had dwindled considerably.

Another guy I'm talking to lives a good distance away. His schedule is the exact opposite and four hours distance would pose a problem. Although, we have agreed to meet for lunch when he is up this way on business this relationship will probably never take off due to distance constraints. I also have not heard from him in a few days.

I had a seventh date with another guy last night. Our date consisted of meeting each other at the funeral home for a receiving. I consider it a date because we met at a specific time to go together. We sat in the car after the funeral receiving and talked, flirted and kissed. I have had many dates in my four years of online dating but have to say that was the first funeral date I attended. This date is the reason I am not getting any sleep. He calls every night and we talk for hours. I know I could hang up but find myself enjoying the conversation too much. He is very attentive and seems to be attune to me. There is a great amount of chemistry between us and we are very much alike. I did comment to him that I do not want to date myself and being alike could pose problems. I am enjoying immensely his pursuit of me!

I am also intermittently talking to guys who I have dated during the past four years. Last night, my last ex-boyfriend contacted me via Yahoo Instant Messenger and we talked for an hour or so. I wish him luck in finding a new love and moving on with his life.

Since online dating, I have never had a bad date and I've met lots of interesting guys. I'm still met with the misconception that dating in this venue is a huge risk and find that quite amusing…preferably I should pick up strangers in bars or at the meat section at the grocery I guess!

Thanks to all my online dates who have treated me with respect, kindness, and admiration! You have inspired me and entertained me. You have made me laugh and you have made me happy. Hats off to all you great guys out there!

Jessica's Drag Car

Here she is...the proud owner of a Jr. Dragster. She was so overwhelmed she cried. Happy and safe racing child of mine!

Weekend Drag Racer

For 12 years my daughter has been hauled to the drag strip to watch her dad race. Her weekends with my ex husband have always revolved totally around his hobby. Long ago, he told her when she got big enough he would put her in a Jr. Dragster. Year in and year out she watched and waited. Age nine came and went with no dragster, age 10, then 11 and now 12. In June she will be 13; yet she watches and waits on the sidelines for her chance to race.

As she waits on the promised dream to become a reality she is often frustrated. Her dad told her he would buy her the dragster yet she watches him put more money into his own car. She hangs out at her friend Elisa's trailer (a Jr. racer) and envies her.

Today we will go look at a car. If a good one, I will buy it for her. The empty promises made by her dad will no longer be an issue. She will no longer be dragged from race to race and unable to participate. She will be a Jr. Drag Racer.

Girls Night Out at the OMNI Hotel, The Comedy Zone, and Breakfast Club

It was girl's night out and Nickcola, Hope and I were ready! We had been planning this trip for a few months. We were headed to the OMNI hotel, The Comedy Zone, and the Breakfast Club.

The girls got to the house at 12:30 Sat afternoon. We loaded the car, everybody peed and we loaded ourselves. I then said, "we've got to say a prayer" and proceeded:

Father God, You can see us at all times and you know everything we do. Please keep us safe while we go to Charlotte, get drunk and act like idiots. Thank you, AMEN

We joked and laughed all the way and talked about what different kinds of drinks we were going to try. Since it was St. Patrick's Day I had bought Malibu Rum, Melon Liqueur, and Pineapple Juice to make some Alien Secretions when we got to the room. A fruity green island-y drink that was delicious!

MapQuest took us right to the OMNI Hotel with no difficulties. We parked in the Bank of America Parking Garage that was hooked to the hotel (go up two or three levels to get past the Reserved Parking spaces) We rode the elevator up with two Japanese man. Thinking of the alcohol we were getting ready to drink I state, "I'm ready to get something warm inside me". Nickcola looked at me and started grinning from ear to ear and Hope burst out laughing...It took me a minute to realize what I had said and then we all were laughing. Fortunately, the Japanese men did not even crack a smile. I'm not sure if they couldn't speak English or they were just especially stoic.

When we got off the elevator we passed some men in kilts who were in the city for the St. Patrick's Day Parade. They looked great wearing their green, red and black outfits. There was one especially "purty" dark haired gentlemen we admired among oursevles. The conceirge was friendly and helpful and we soon were on our way up to Suite 224.

The suite was on a corner of the OMNI Hotel so we had a panoramic view of downtown Charlotte.

The suite a nice little sitting area with the views of all the numerous construction projects going on as well as the existing architecture.

The beds were absolutely unreal. They were so cushy--they were amazingingly soft with a soft pillowtop, covered with another soft mattress cover, covered then with three soft sheets. The comforter was a pillow filled one and there were six soft pillows on each bed. I just can't go on enough about their beds--Well worth the $265.00 for the night.

We took a few pictures of us and our room and then I mixed up our first Alien Secretion! We talked about drinks we were going to try and Hope mentioned a Green Orgasm. We all laughed a lot at that one. After two more Alien Secretions apiece and putting our faces on we were ready to head to the Comedy Zone. First we wanted to laugh and then we wanted to dance!

In the motor lobby a doorman called a cab for us and after getting a $30 quote from the cab company, a Towne Car driver offered to take us for only $5 more than the cab. We hopped in and made our way to The Comedy Zone. We laughed a lot on the way (and helped the driver who didn't know where the Comedy Zone was). We again talked about drinks we were going to have. When we arrived, the driver opened our door and Hope asks, "Have you had an orgasm?" and we all start laughing as the driver replys, "all the time". The driver (Backer) gave us his card and told us to give him a call when we were ready to leave.

After being seated in the bar to eat, Nickcola and I ordered a Grape Ape to try together and Hope had a sweet tea. I decided I didn't really like it so Nickcola kept it and I ordered an Alien Secretion (had to give the bartender the recipe--click here for recipe). We then proceeded to pig out. We ordered chicken fingers, fried pickles, quesedillas, cheese planets, and spinach dip. We stuffed ourselves. I drank another Alien Secretion and it was time for the show.



We went into the dark little room and sat down at our chairs located right against the stage. We had great seats! The lights went out and the room lit up with blacklight colors everywhere. Nickcola's fingernails glowed while my shirt's white background lit right up. It was cool! The first comedian was a lady who was quite funny. Her act basically revolved around sex. Me and Nickcola each drank another drink during her act. The second act was a guy named Chris and he was very funny. We laughed so hard our sides hurt. Sitting across the stage was a couple, whose mate was almost as funny as the comedian. He so enjoyed the show that his laugh made us all laugh even more. We were very pleased with both comedians even though they did talk quite raunchy as some comedians tend to do.

We headed to the bathroom and Hope called our driver saying, "Hey, Backer, it's your orgasmic ladies, we're ready to come back to the OMNI". On the way back to the hotel we laughed and joked. We talked to Backer and asked him if he liked to go out dancing. We told us he used to and I said, "before you were married?" and he replied, "yes, now we just dance at home".

Back at the OMNI we zoomed up to our suite to freshen up and have a few more Secretions. We found our beds turned down with chocolates on the pillows and the TV tuned to a soft music sleeping channel. After fixing our faces and drinking two or three more Alien Secretions apiece we were ready to head to the Breakfast Club (an all 80s dance club). Hope at this time wasn't feeling well and had developed a severe headache. She decided she wasn't able to go dancing at the Breakfast Club. With regret, Nickcola and I left her behind.

We took a cab the 1/2 mile ride to the Breakfast Club. On arriving at the Breakfast Club, we filled out membership cards and were on our way in. The first level of the club has a bar in it and some tables. The bathroom is located on this floor. The 80's decor had it going on with rubics cubes and 80's memorabilia. We immediately ordered four shots of a drink that resembled the Alien Secretions (price $24.00). We were trying to stick to some of the same liquors so as not to regret it later. The bartenders (Judy and Joy) were friendly and experienced. We quickly received our drinks and downed the two shots apiece. We climbed the stairs to the next level which was the dance room and it was already jammin. There was some tables on this level and a bar as well. On the furthest wall was DJ Jody up on a stage (He did an awesome job--you can see staff pictures at their Breakfast Club My Space) . To the left of DJ Jody was a little fenced stage that could fit about three people who wanted to get up there and dance. We then proceeded to the third level to check it out. There we found another bar with a few tables overlooking the dance floor below. At this level, we purchased four more shots...this time getting four Lemon Drops ($24.00). These drinks were wicked--being made up of straight vodka, sugar on the rim of the glass, and a lemon slice) After establishing our surroundings, we headed to the dance floor to dance. The floor was sticky and dirty with quite a bit of trash on it. At first, I was slightly repulsed and then soon forgot all about it. The DJ was excellent and the music never stopped. Everyone was very friendly. Some guys breakdanced and spun on their heads and a look alike Billy Idol lip synced behind the fenced gate. It was perfect! We danced until we were tired and then went back down to level one to hit the bathrooms and again hit the bar. We ordered four shots of Whip It's (otherwise known as Blow-Jobs, $24.00). We downed these and then back up to the dance floor where we danced nonstop for at least two hours...dancing with a few people and chasing away a few more. One cardiologist (supposedly) kept trying to twirl us both and we kept telling him to stop. We were getting our groove on and didn't want to be twirled. No slow songs were played, no electric slide. It was all 80s and we were loving it...singing at the top of our lungs and shaking our booties! It was the absolute best time and we loved the Breakfast Club! There were no fights and all staff and customers were friendly!

(NOTE: If you are the guy who danced with the two ladies from Hickory and Lenoir towards the end--We want your number!)

About 2 am we had danced enough and decided to walk back to the OMNI. Even though it was 30 degrees outside or less we didn't feel the cold at all. We floated down the street in a glowing post-alcoholic daze and kept saying, "that was so much fun! that was just so much fun!".

Arriving back at the suite, we laughed and talked and Hope woke up and heard about our night. Finally to bed we went. Nickcola and I then decided we needed something to munch, cracked the lock on the stocked bar and split a $2.50 Coke and a $3.00 pack of peanut M&M's. After our treat, we settled into the angelic fluffy bit of heaven and soon were in a dreamland until the sun came through the windows! Some of us laid in the bed longer than others...guilty!

It was a great girls night out! Thanks OMNI hotel, The Comedy Zone, and the Breakfast Club. Thumbs up to all three locations! We'll definitely plan to revisit soon!

We will miss Audrey

Our housekeeper fell and broke her knee three weeks ago at work. She did extensive damage and was to be off her feet for six weeks after the surgery was performed to fix her knee.

This past week, she got a blood clot to the lung and had to be hospitalized. Yesterday she had surgery where they placed a stint.

Last night she was laughing and visiting with coworkers. She told my boss "you know that blood clot about wiped me out" and "you never know when you need to be ready to go on a dime".

This morning we got the call. She died last night. We will miss Audrey, her character, her sense of humor, her devotion and her friendship.
Thank you for over fifteen years of service in our Hospice. Thank you Audrey.

Who Will Do My Brakes Now?

Chrissie is gone. My new boyfriend didn’t approve of his lifestyle and didn’t like our association. Although we had been friends for twelve years prior; I listened to my boyfriend to make him happy. Now the boyfriend is gone, Chrissie is gone and my brakes are a’squealin.

Wouldn’t be polite to call Chrissie up and say, “hey, nice to talk to you” after two years and “can you do my brakes?” Guess I’ll have to find a new brake man and pay full price.

Maybe I’ll send the bill to the ex-boyfriend. What do ya think?

Life is Good

My friend John is dying slowly. He has lung cancer which normally should have took him out months ago. He transferred to a residential Hospice to die about eight months back and there he lays...day in and day out.

In the beginning, he cried often and had a lot of anxiety. Now he talks about his past and the things he should have done differently. He talks about love and how people should never put on a facade to please others. He talks about his bowels and he talks about his arthritis. He talks about being sick of the food. He laughs and he cries and he waits on death to come.

When I leave John, I breathe the fresh air. I enjoy the freedom I have to to go anywhere I please. When I get home, my daughter comes in from school and I pull her close for a hug and I smell her hair and enjoy living just a little bit more and remember that it is a gift...it is all a gift.

Gay Hell Again! (Part 2)

And here we sit, broke down on the side of the road in broad daylight. I knew if I gave in and went again something would happen. It always does.

Chrissie pops the hood and gets out in her pink pantsuit with matching pink shoes and pink nails. At least she has on her flats today.

As she leans under the hood, a highway patrolman swerves over and parks in front of us. Here we go, I moan, Gay Hell Again.

Chrissie looks up at me and starts laughing knowing that it embarrasses me. Infuriated, I jump out of the car and waylay the officer asking if he has a phone I can use. As I follow him back to his car I smirk at Chrissie on the way.

I phone my sister stating, “Lori, me and Chrissie are broke down on Hwy 90, can you come get us?” Laughing she says, “I told you something would happen; it always does”.

Thanking the officer, I get out of the car. As I pass Chrissie who is still under the hood tinkering, I mutter “that pantsuit does absolutely nothing for you” and “don’t ask me to go again, just don’t”.

Copyright © Robin S Stevens 2007

What in Gay Hell (Part 1)

As the blue light goes on behind us I instantly recall the cop scene from Too Won Fu and blurt out “oh what in gay hell?” Chrissie turns the car into the closest parking lot and the officer pulls in behind us and gets out. He walks up and bends down to look into the driver side window. I notice his gaze traveling up and down the length of Chrissie assessing her black leather miniskirt and tight-breasted black sweater. “Ma’am”, he says, “You’ve got a brake light out; I’ll need to see your license”. As he looks over Chrissie’s driver’s license, he then utters the words I knew were coming, “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the car.” I groan and slide down further in the seat.

As Chrissie’s five inch stilettos hit the payment I can’t help but notice that the officer’s mouth drops open. He stares as the tall sexy blonde eases herself into an upright position. The officer stands about six inches shorter and asks Chrissie to walk to the back of the car. He then follows her watching the enticing way she walks in the tight mini skirt and stilettos.

Cracking the window, I strain my ears to hear the conversation. “Ma’am, this is not your drivers license, could you explain why you have this?” As Chrissie opens her mouth to speak, the officer is taken aback when the quite male voice says, “sir, that’s me”. The officer stutters and stumbles around trying to find words as he says, “oh…uh… hmm… you’re my first… hmm, I just wanted to tell you your brake light is out… hmm you can go.”

As we pull out of the parking lot to leave we head down the main way to get back on the interstate. Cop cars are lining up to watch us leave this one horse town and as we hit the exit ramp heading home, I say, “Never again, every damn time we go something happens, don’t ask me to go again.”

Copyright © Robin S Stevens 2007

The Best Drug of Choice

Well...the stats are in. Writing is it...the best drug of choice. If I'd only known look at all the money I could have saved back in the day.

Mindblowin' legal life enhancement all rolled up in one. geez.

The Fiction Writer's Guidebook and bird to bird

went to the library today and got a new card since I couldn't find mine. I owed a buck on mom's account from the overdue books...just hated turning in Writing Nonfiction but the librarian managed to wrench it from my clinging clawed hand. I've got 175 pages done in The Fiction Writer's Guidebook by Edwin Silberstang. Getting some good insight there and more of the " Show, Don't Tell" advice. Some points closely resemble Stephen King's On Writing. Points such as letting the characters lead the plot as opposed to coming up with the plot on your own...I like the idea of the book reaching its own end rather than determining what the end will be aforehand. Good advice, I think.

Tonight I read bird by bird by Anne Lamott that I picked up at the library earlier. Coincidently when I had got back home today it was in my mail box as well...I read it tonight after starting a fiction piece for a contest.... bird by bird was good but I got more technical advice from Silberstang.