For the past year, I have made excuses for a man who doesn’t know the meaning of the word honesty simply because we were such a good match in all other areas. Why is it I was willing to overlook such a major character flaw?
We seemed to connect in so many ways. We liked some of the same things; we disliked some of the same things. We had an easygoing manner together. We laughed together. We talked together. We did the things that couples do and we planned to be married. We planned our future together.
Back in the beginning, when I first discovered he lied I made excuses and blamed myself. Maybe if I was better at handling the truth he wouldn’t lie. After all, I had my own issues. I made numerous excuses for his bad behavior. Meanwhile I was honest, loyal, and giving. I told the truth even when it might cause an argument. I changed in ways that made him happy. I quit complaining about the overtime he worked. When I felt lonely, I learned how to entertain myself rather than depending on him to entertain me. I grew as a person. For that I am thankful. Yet, he continued to lie. He lied to avoid arguments and he lied to cover up. He lied to get his way. He lied.
One day, when he looked into my eyes and told the biggest boldest lie he had ever told I decided enough was enough. I finally realized I deserved better. I deserve a man who I can respect. I realized I cannot respect a man who isn’t capable of honesty.
Now he will go on to his next love and she will be the one to decide if she has enough self respect to demand more. As I think about the love lost and the potential we had I feel sorry for him…so very sorry and yet within there is a hope that somewhere there is a man who will look deeply in my eyes and know that to lie to me would be like death itself to his soul and he will be the man I can respect and share my love with.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
I'm sorry Robin. Love makes us do stupid stupid things. Being with someone who lies is worse than being with someone who physiclaly abuses you. Better to have kicked you in the face than lie to you.
I'm glad you made the decision to to be with this man. But, don't feel sorry for him. He's not worth it. Be strong for yourself and go on with your life.
So sorry to hear this. You've so much made the right decision though - a better man lies in the wings, I'm sure of it. Honesty is so very important.
Love and hugs to you
A
xxx
Without honesty, there's really nothing to base a longstanding relationship on. Because then you never know what you can trust/believe.
I'm getting out the sewing machine...one nice coat for the homeless, coming up. ;)
Hang in there. You're a better person without him.
and I bet he still thinks it's because of what he did and not the fact that he's a liar...they just don't get it.
I'm so sorry, Robin. I had the exact same experience when I lived in NC, so I can't help but wonder if it's the same dishonest man.
I finally realized that I deserved better, and it came along in the form of a man who is completely honorable and has probably never told a lie in his life, certainly not to me.
Nature abhors a vacuum and now that you have created one, there is space in your life for someone better to come in.
Compromise shouldn't be about losing your own self-respect, so I'm glad you didn't.
Hi Robin!
Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm not sure how many of last week's posts you read, but if you read a few you know that I just divorced a chronic liar.
The thing about people who lie chronically is that they will never stop lying for someone else's sake. The amount of pain their lies cause other people can never be compared (in their minds) to the pain of the truth about themselves they are trying so desperately to avoid. You see, a liar lies to himself most of all.
I am sorry that you were in a relationship with such a guy, but thrilled that you grew from the experience and left with your self-respect! Congratulations to you. Happiness follows. I promise.
I have to say that I never thought he was good enough for you...you deserve the best...someone worthy of you is out there.
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and insight. I know that time heals all wounds...meanwhile I am keeping myself very busy and finding some interesting distractions.
good for you. you can't be with someone like that.
I had your problem before, then I met my wife. That was 38 years ago. Thank you for stopping by my blog, it's nice meeting you.
Monty
you go girl!!!
I think it says alot about a person...someone who can LOOK. YOU. IN. THE. EYES. and lie to your face. wow...
follow your gut. seriously. i can't stress this enough. it has helped me more than once. we are all pretty guided individuals once we listen to that little voice: "you know you ain't got no business eating that," or "why are we here?"
i am not gonna get all psychological on you and tell you it was your inner child, your parents were horrendous, ad nauseum, but really, it's all about what you deserve. you deserve to know the truth. anything less is unacceptable. put in those terms, people get all iffy about it: "why do you have to be so demanding?" well, because proper treatment is not something you get when you ask for it. if you have to ask, you are already in the red. and demanding doesn't automatically equate to a tantrum. it's more of a request, a firm one at that. and be prepared to follow through if your needs are not met.
with that said, the loss sucks but a year or two from now you will understand what a huge favor you did for yourself (and him! people learn after getting dumped).
sorry for the novel by the way.
I sincerely hope he will look at what happened with open eyes instead of excuses. It is my desire that he will learn from this and become a better person. I hope I can too!
When a man lies to you he does not respect you and therefore can not love you! If you love someone you will respect them and their feelings and care more about how they feel than yourself!
You are well rid of this man. He put himself first before you. There are plenty of good men out here who will love and respect you. Don't settle!
My exgirlfriend used to lie to me and it made me feel like crap.
I kept telling her that I couldn't handle the lyin. One day she went to far like your man did and when I confronted her she was gone. She didn't apologize or show no remorce. Showed me how little she really thoguht of me.
That helped me move on.
Robin I saw you had a my space. I sent you an invite from mine. maybe we can talk someimte.
Post a Comment